I have major anxiety issues.. They make no sense. The things I worry about are stupid. Things I actually know in my head could not be true or could not have happened.
Driving. OMG This is my worse anxiety trigger. Dont talk to me. Dont ask me anything. Oh wait did I hit something? Let me turn around now and look or for the rest of the day I will actually be worried the police will be knocking at my door saying I hit something!
I have to look again. Sometimes two times and when its really bad when I get home or wherever I am going I will actually have to check the car for any marks even thought I know I already made sure I didnt hit anything.
My nephews and niece. I babysit them all the time. I love them. They are my world. I will get all of them in the car and see them all buckle up. I will actually buckle my niece up because shes a baby… Yet I will find a way to do freakin roll call in the car so I can hear everyone and know again everyone is safe in the car. I will ask about my neice the whole way home so I know shes okay.
My Husband. I could and will and do watch him sleep all the time. Is he breathing? Is he okay? Are his breaths shallow? Did they stop? I annoy myself with this all the time!!!
The stove is it off? Let me check one more time before bed.. Wait did I check? I thought I checked? Did I?
Counting is something I dont always do. It comes and goes… Sometimes I will count how many times I brush my teeth how many times I take a bite off my plate.. I hate when I start doing this because I actually count everything. I love when I no longer do it… I dread it when it comes back.
Oh am I or someone in my house leaving? Work maybe? Let me quote the exact homemade prayer every single time!!! Annoying!
I didnt even realize how crazy my mind is until writing all of this down. I dont/havent told a single soul about this until now.. Well once in therapy 4 years ago I mentioned the prayer but thats it.
Laundry has to be done a certain way. OMG please dont do my dishes because I can already tell by the first dish they arent even going to be in the rack correctly.
I shake my leg at all times… My legs actually are sore every night from this. I count my fingers as I thump each one on a table if I am sitting with nothing to do.
Ok there is a start to my stupid mind. Anyone else have issues like these? Am I alone? What is wrong with me?